Being a Differently - Abled Mom

What more do you want from me what more can I say

Not many of you know the pain I live with every day
Every minutes a struggle with my own self worth
Can I do it can I live it will it ever work
The past the present all hurt at once
I push and I push but its never enough
Im doing my best to deal with it all
But walking a tight rope waiting to fall
I go to bed sore and questioning things
Then wake up to feel the pain that it brings
My nights are not peaceful instead filled with fear
I cry scream and kick and the ends never near
Through this all Im a mom just trying my best
I try not to care that my house is a mess
I run to appointments the gas station the store
Then home to make dinner homework and more
The days are long and filled with so much
When nightime rolls around it hurts to be touched
I tuck them in bed say our prayers and goodnight
Then I crawl into mine and try with all my might
To just go to sleep to have a few moments for me
For the pain to end and just leave me be
There is only one thng that makes it all worth while
that's seeing and hearing my children laugh and smile
See when people question my ways or if its enough
I look at them smile and say it can be tough
But I wouldn't trade a day of the chaos and stress
Cause being a mom is nothing but the BEST!!!

Moving Right Along ......

Often times I have worried about the scars I may be leaving my children with by needing a walker or the wheelchair at Walmart or not being able to climb the stairs at night ..... While have I tried my best to teach my kids that differences are not bad just what makes us all UNIQUE, at the same time I never want to embarass my children or make them uncomfortable when we are together (  I am the child of a parent with different - abilities and know both the positive and negitive aspects from a childs view 1st hand ) ...Although I still worry about these things I can officially say I don't worry about SCARS as much anymore ....Why ? well because I have seen my children's smiles and heard their thoughts and felt their joy I'll give you an example ....

While on a trip to Walmart to pick up some groceries I decided I would need the wheelchair ( we call them " Go Carts " in my house lol. I was worried my son might be embarassed walking with me using the " Go Cart " instead of hiding or asking me to not use it he said " mom can I ride with you? " later on that day when we were talking about it he said he is " special " cause not many boys get to ride on their mommies " Go Carts " ... That made me think into the future and while some of you may think this isn't funny I happen to get quite the smile out of it.... I saw him and I shopping for College together racing each other in the store... No he isn't in a wheelchair, and no I wouldn't allow that behavior at a store but at the sametime I didn't view it as such a NEGITIVE Damning thing to my children's future I saw it as just anoyther FUN THING we would get to do together! See Jake won't remember feeling sad walking through the store with mommy in a Go Cart he will remember it as a fun activity we did thats the key make it fun and take the negitive and turn it into something positive before long the worry disappears and you see only the positive!.....My way of thinking may be different then most I am aware of this, but this BLOG is just that, My View not expected to be everyones just mine and my HOPE is to lighten the worry load on a lot of moms like myself!

A Blast From The Past....

The following is something I wrote a few years ago I thought I would share it as my 1st official post, somehow it just seemed fitting!......








Here goes and please bear with me if I vear or track here and there trying to make my point anyone who knows me knows that's just me lol....


I used to worry that my FM would somehow make me less of a mom and that somehow I was harming them by having them grow up with a mom who has so much pain and can be so limited at times but I am learning, and have in some ways already learned some very important things that I want you all to know. See, while I have Fibromyaligia ( which I am shortening to FM for the sake of my Carpal Tunnel ) that does not mean I am a doomed or that I am unable to be a mom or am something less then human or a woman. Yes it's a Disability and yes it makes my life difficult at times but here I am and I have to do what I can to make it all work....God gave me this life and this body for a reason I have to
prove I am worthy of it. Sure I get depressed, who wouldn't, especially on days when driving proves impossible and just getting dressed is a feat in itself, but God also gave me two very special gifts that help to keep the depression from completly taking over on the bad days their names are MEGAN and JACOB and I am very blessed to be their MOM :).. I love them with all my heart and my special angels are always right there helping me to laugh the tears away, smile the pain away and enjoy my life for what it is!!! I may be disabled but my life is not nor is my heart !!!....


Living with FM " CAN BE " Depressing, Disabling and Difficult and it " IS " Painful, Frustrating and Limiting but that does not mean I can't be a GREAT mom....I have days where I can barely walk or move but the big thing I have learned over time is how to" ADAPT "....Sure there are days it isn't easy and days I would rather take something for the pain and crawl back in bed, but still I ADAPT....For example cooking with my daughter otherwise known as " Mangia with Megan " I can't always stand in the kitchen with her the whole time like before so now I pull up a chair and sit while I enjoy our cooking time together then cause I can't sit too long I get up and stretch and the cycle continues .....But the important thing that I was forgetting when I was worried they were loosing out is that " I " am in there cooking and " SPENDING TIME " with my daughter and letting her know I love her:)... So what if I have to sit or move or do things differently she still has " Quality Time " with ME and knows I love her very much:) That's the important part right?


When it comes to my son he knows his " Mommy " is here for him we work together with his school work and lessons and when it comes to his OT, SP and PT, again I do what I need to in order to " adapt " my surroundings or my body to assist him and he too gets " Quality Time " with his mommy because he needs fun time as well as therapy time I may sometimes have to make the therapy fun like Playdoh therapy becomes making his favorite Disney Cars out of Play Doh then making a track out of Play Doh for them to race on but again isn't that kinda the point, to make it fun....In a way I guess I am lucky my disability sometimes allows me the " time " to enjoy them, some parents don't have that luxury, so I'll take the pain if it means more quality time with them :) Especially when the day is all over and my son or daughter reach over and say " Thanks for playing with me/us Mom I had a GREAT time "!!!!!


Sometimes things may have to wait such as the dishes, laundry etc but again the kids don't suffer, they have what they need and at the end of the day I was there to hear all about what cool things they did at school or a test they passed, or eat dinner with them and share funny jokes or my favorite ....read or tell them a story before bed ( even if it does take me 10 mins to get up the stairs on a bad day ) I'm there and happy to be the one sharing those quickly passing moments of precious memories and I wouldn't want it any other way!!!


So while " Adapting " may be difficult sometimes, I am learning, and when my angels are all tucked in at the end of the day ... Safe and warm in their beds .... and I am in mine or sometimes theirs lol ( pain or not ) it makes it all worth it!!!, knowing I was a part of those memories they will carry with them forever ....and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the WORLD!!!


I will say it would be extreamly difficult to do what I do without the support I get from such great friends and family and I couldn't be more thankful to have you all in my life!!!


I guess what I am trying to say is in some ways my Disability gives me some Abilities that I am lucky to have and while I may have to adapt and do some things different at times that doesn't mean I can't live up to the challenges my FM creates and I will be damned if I will let it define me!!! FM is something I have NOT who I am.... who I am is a Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Friend

My First Entry......

I decided to create this blog for all the moms like me out there that are differently- abled, ( I prefer not to use the term disabled ). This blog will be packed full of many things from fun activities you can try with your kids to inspirational thoughts to keep you going on the days you feel down, in pain or even that your different abilities may be getting in the way of your parenting abilities ....I will share with you my thoughts and ideas and try to show the positive in everything.....Walk, roll or sit with me ( whatever works for you ) as I grow as a mom....don't forget to share your experiences with me as well! I will love hearing your comments, stories, etc ... Who knows I may even decide to write about something you have said :)